While casually reading Alice's Adventures in Wonderland today, my sister was watching The Tyra Show. I don't know if you guys watch this show, but Tyra can end up being somewhat of a hypocrite. For example, she seems to be all girl-power and female empowerment, but when it comes down to it, she has serious judgment issues with people who have changed sexes, with women who strip or dance and also have children, and these are just some of her most memorable negative moments from the few episodes I have watched. This leads me to have serious issues with either Tyra or her producers, if she is in fact being scripted to say and act a certain way. I can't be sure.
What was on today was a show revolving around sex (go figure). This particular episode seemed to focus on couples and their sexual relationships (so I gave it half an ear of interest). Featured was the author of Decoding Love Andrew Trees. Now, I can't remember the exact context of this man's comment - I believe it had something to do with who pays for meals - but he claimed that we live in a post-feminist world. There are a few more complicated meanings of this term, but what many people mean when they say it is that a post-feminist world is one in which women have achieved equality and, therefore, feminism (as many consider it) is not necessary.
I think his message was an okay one - that men shouldn't have to do all the paying at a restaurant, which essentially could imply that women can participate independently economically in a relationship just as well as men can. Good message. I liked it. But he also encouraged the man to pay on the first date, and most dates. What this, combined with his comment about living in a "post-feminist world," says to me is that women can let men do the "gift giving" of buying dinner without feeling like they are being compromised because, it's ok, women are treated equally! I don't find this to be true.
Here's what I think: women who are in a mutually respectful relationship or on a seemingly respectful date do not need to feel guilty about having their partner pay for dinner, particularly if they offer to pay themselves and particularly if they do not make as much money. Some guy who says things like "you can't pay for dinner, that's not your job" well that maybe you should do something about! So equality on an individual basis seems to me a good establishment. I'm not going to go feminist all over my boyfriend and say, "You can't treat me to dinner because I'm an independent woman and I don't need your money!" That's a little hurtful, because I wouldn't want the same done to me.
*Sigh* So what about equality on a larger scale? And what does this have to do with porn? The idea of living in a post-feminist world would mean that we don't have to worry about underlying issues of inequality (or equality) in pornography. I think if we truly lived in a post-feminist world, many feminists would not be so deeply opposed to pornography's existence and use. The very existence of these beliefs signals to me that we MUST continue to fight for equality. And I believe we must also realize that political and economic equality (which we don't truly truly have, by the way) does not imply ideological equality.
Specifically in pornography, it is obvious that much of what someone wants to watch is personal preference. Some men and women even admit to finding pleasure in torture or positions of submission. What underlies this, though, is ideology, and trying to find in pleasure a place where equality and power can exist in harmony rather than opposition. Linda Williams in her book Hard Core: Power, Pleasure, and the "Frenzy of the Visible" does a great job illustrating both her ideas and Michel Foucault's ideas on the subject of sexuality and power/pleasure/knowledge. I highly recommend this book to anyone interested in this subject.
So, post-feminism? Yes or no? Does the porn debate as it stands represent a need for feminism? Does porn necessitate understanding and equality both within and outside of feminism? Is sexuality between two people or is it part of larger social issues? Can porn and sex ever be outside of these norms and structures? If so, then do we in fact live in a post-feminist world? What about a "post-feminism relationship" - can that exist? Does it?
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